Meetings with my Marriage Counselor: Donut Therapy

When you marry a member of the U.S. military, it’s best to marry with a mind more open than most. Because most of your marriage will be spent alone. Separations (a.k.a. deployment, TDY) are part of your marriage contract and should be anticipated every day of your military-other-half’s career. My husband and I have been married for eight years. At least four of those years have been spent apart.

By now, we have perfected the unique art that is the long-distance relationship. Yes, there are folks out there who envy our skill. And so, with every TDY, my husband and I say our goodbyes and then consult our rather rotund marriage counselor. The one thing that can console us during our loneliest hours: The Donut of Misery (aptly named by my witty military man).

Many moons ago, during one of my husband’s deployments to South Korea (two separate tours, one year each), he lovingly crafted this miserable donut as a countdown to the end of our separation. On a whim he sent it to me, so that I too could countdown. I will forever hold it dear. Our miserable donut keeps me company as I wait for the end of each deployment. Oddly, it has become a strange sort of security blanket – giving me some stability in my marriage. And, although I may have thrown a bit of profanity at it over the years, I am excited every time I open it. It’s fat-free therapy.

So where is he now? My husband is on a volcanic island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean (variety is the spice of life). He has a two year tour, which began in 2012. Now, I know you know what that means. YES! I’ve been counting down on my trusty Donut, and there are only 9.22 months left (that’s a walk in the park in our world)! Yeah, we’re excited. The Ninjas are excited too. It will be nice to play with Daddy in person rather than on a computer screen.

Are you a military spouse? What do you do to countdown when you’re separated? Is there a Donut in your future?

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